What Is Masking?
Masking is something many neurodivergent people do—often without even realizing it. It’s the act of suppressing or hiding parts of ourselves in order to fit in, avoid judgment, or stay safe. That might mean forcing eye contact, copying others’ behaviors, scripting conversations, hiding stims, or downplaying sensory needs. For some of us, it’s been a survival strategy for as long as we can remember.
Why We Mask
We mask to protect ourselves. We learn early on—often through subtle social cues or direct correction—that being ourselves isn’t always welcomed. Masking can help us succeed in school or at work, avoid bullying, or keep the peace in relationships. But over time, it takes a toll.
The Cost of Masking
Living behind a mask can lead to burnout, anxiety, depression, and a sense of disconnection from our true selves. It can become difficult to even know who we are beneath the mask. When you spend so much energy trying to appear “normal,” there’s often very little left for actual living. That’s why unmasking—though hard—is so important.
The Process of Unmasking
Unmasking isn’t a one-time event. It’s a process of slowly, cautiously, and often painfully removing the layers we’ve built to survive. It’s about:
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Not forcing eye contact when it’s uncomfortable
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Letting ourselves stim openly
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Saying no to situations that overwhelm us
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Speaking in our natural cadence or tone
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Allowing ourselves to rest without guilt
For both of us—Ariel and I—unmasking has been emotional and at times scary. But we’ve started to unmask with each other, because we trust each other enough to show up as we really are. There’s still fear, still hesitance, but there’s also a lot of healing. We’re discovering parts of ourselves we didn’t even know we were hiding. Sometimes, it’s overwhelming. Other times, it’s freeing.
Unmasking in Safe Relationships
The people we feel safe with can make all the difference. In a world that often asks us to be smaller, quieter, and more “palatable,” finding someone who encourages our wholeness is powerful. Being able to stim, speak our minds, or simply exist without explanation is a gift. We’re learning to be ourselves in the safety of each other’s company—and that kind of love helps rebuild what masking took away.
You’re Not Alone
If you’re on this journey, know that you’re not alone. Unmasking can feel raw and uncertain, but it’s also deeply liberating. There’s no right pace. No rules. Just a slow, steady return to yourself.
Let’s Keep the Conversation Going
Have you started to unmask, or are you thinking about it? What’s helped you feel safe being yourself? We’d love to hear your story in the comments.