Have you ever stared at a sink full of dishes, willing yourself to get up and wash them—and still not moved? You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. You’re not failing.
You might just be experiencing executive dysfunction.
What Is Executive Dysfunction?
Executive dysfunction is a neurological condition that affects your brain’s ability to manage tasks, emotions, attention, and time. Think of executive function as your brain’s “CEO”—it oversees planning, decision-making, impulse control, focus, and flexibility. When that system glitches, even the simplest things can feel impossible.
It’s a common experience for people with ADHD, Autism, depression, anxiety, PTSD, and other neurodivergent or mental health conditions. But here’s the kicker—it often hides in plain sight. People see you on the “good” days and assume you’re always capable. They don’t see the mental gridlock, the overwhelm, the frozen moments behind closed doors.
We do.
What It Feels Like (From Our Hearts to Yours)
As two late-in-life diagnosed neurodivergent adults (hi, we’re Ariel and Charissa), we’ve spent a lot of time thinking, “Why can’t I just do the thing?” Even when we want to. Even when we need to. That’s executive dysfunction. It’s the invisible wall between intention and action.
It’s:
- Having a plan in your head but being unable to start.
- Feeling paralyzed by choices—even small ones.
- Forgetting tasks or appointments you care deeply about.
- Starting a dozen things and finishing none.
- Beating yourself up afterward, even though it wasn’t your fault.
We’ve been there, and sometimes, we’re still there. This is part of why we built Let’s Heal Together—not just to support others, but to build a space where we could stop pretending our brains work in ways they don’t.
Why It’s Not Laziness
Repeat after us: executive dysfunction is not a character flaw. It’s a neurological reality.
Your brain is not a machine—it’s a nervous system that gets overwhelmed, exhausted, distracted, frozen. Executive dysfunction happens when your brain’s pathways struggle to “translate” your willpower into action. This is especially true when tasks feel overwhelming, carry emotional weight, or require multiple steps.
Sometimes the “invisible” steps—getting up, opening the laptop, finding the email—are more exhausting than the task itself.
Common Triggers
Executive dysfunction doesn’t come out of nowhere. It often shows up when:
- You’re emotionally overwhelmed or burned out.
- You’re under pressure, especially with deadlines or expectations.
- The task feels too big or unclear.
- You’re afraid of making a mistake.
- You’ve already been masking all day just to get by.
For many of us, executive dysfunction is also closely tied to shame—from years of being misunderstood, judged, or misdiagnosed. That shame builds up and feeds the cycle, making it even harder to start next time.
How We Work With (Not Against) Our Brains
Here’s the real talk: we can’t always “fix” executive dysfunction—but we can learn to work with it.
Some strategies we’ve found helpful:
- Body Doubling: Working alongside someone (in person or virtually) can jumpstart momentum.
- Gentle Timers: Using low-pressure time blocks (“I’ll just do this for 5 minutes”) often helps us begin.
- Visual Reminders: Sticky notes, dry-erase boards, or “done” lists instead of to-do lists.
- Breaking Tasks Down: We literally write out every step: open the laptop, find the file, start typing.
- PDA-Informed Tools: For Ariel (who recently discovered they may have Pathological Demand Avoidance), traditional systems like planners or reminders can trigger shutdowns or even rage. We’re learning to create demand-free routines based on curiosity, choice, and compassion instead.
Most importantly, we’re learning to pause the inner critic. The one that says, “You should be able to do this.” That voice isn’t truth. It’s trauma.
To Everyone Who Feels Stuck
If you’re reading this and recognizing yourself—please know that you’re not alone, and you’re not a failure. Executive dysfunction doesn’t define your worth. You are doing your best, even on the days when your best looks like just surviving. You are not lazy. You are not unmotivated. You’re someone navigating life with a different kind of brain in a world that often doesn’t understand.
We see you. We are you. And we’re figuring it out—one gentle, self-compassionate step at a time.
Let’s Keep Talking
We’d love to hear from you:
- What does executive dysfunction feel like for you?
- What helps you move through stuck moments?
- What do you wish others understood about your experience?
Drop your thoughts in the comments or connect with us on Instagram or Discord.
Together, we’re creating a world where healing is neurodivergent-affirming, shame-free, and full of grace.
Let’s heal together.