For many late-diagnosed individuals, the journey to self-understanding is complex and emotional. While finally having a diagnosis can be a relief, it also comes with grief, frustration, and sometimes even anger. Many of us ask, Why didn’t anyone notice sooner? or How much easier could my life have been if I had known?

Masking and Burnout

One of the biggest challenges of late diagnosis is the years of masking—hiding our neurodivergent traits to fit in. This is particularly common in women, AFAB individuals, and people of color, who are often overlooked or misdiagnosed due to outdated stereotypes. Masking might have helped us navigate social situations, school, or work, but it comes at a cost: exhaustion, anxiety, and sometimes complete burnout. Many late-diagnosed individuals experience autistic burnout or ADHD burnout, where years of pushing through neurotypical expectations result in a mental and physical crash.

Rewriting Our Self-Perception

A late diagnosis can cause us to re-examine everything we thought we knew about ourselves. Many of us have spent years believing we were lazy, broken, or “too much.” We’ve internalized criticism from teachers, parents, peers, and even ourselves. It can be hard to shift from “I’m just bad at life” to “My brain works differently, and that’s okay.”

For some, this realization leads to imposter syndrome—wondering if they “deserve” the diagnosis. Thoughts like Maybe I’m not neurodivergent enough or I got through life without knowing, so maybe I don’t need accommodations can be common. But the truth is, we’ve just learned to survive under difficult conditions, often at great personal cost.

Grief Over the Past

Another difficult aspect of late diagnosis is mourning the lost time and missed opportunities. Many of us look back on our childhoods and realize that the struggles we faced weren’t personal failures—they were the result of undiagnosed neurodivergence. We grieve for the version of ourselves that could have thrived with proper support. We may even struggle with resentment toward parents, teachers, or doctors who missed the signs.

At the same time, relationships can also be affected. Some late-diagnosed individuals have to navigate explaining their diagnosis to friends, family, or partners, only to be met with skepticism or invalidation. Comments like “But you did fine without a diagnosis” or “You’re just looking for an excuse” can be deeply hurtful. This is why finding a supportive community is so important—it helps us heal and unlearn the negative messages we’ve absorbed over the years.

Learning to Accommodate Ourselves

Unlike those diagnosed in childhood, who may have received support from parents or schools, late-diagnosed individuals often have to figure things out on their own. This might mean:

  • Asking for workplace accommodations (which can be daunting if we’ve always pushed ourselves to “just deal with it”)
  • Relearning how to structure our lives in a way that actually works for our brains
  • Letting go of guilt for doing things differently than neurotypical people

It’s a process of self-discovery and self-compassion, but it can also be frustrating. There’s no roadmap, and we have to find what works through trial and error.

What About You?

If you were late diagnosed, what was the biggest challenge for you? Do you relate to any of these struggles? Let’s start a conversation in the comments—We would love to hear about your journey!